“Tell me 4 things that describe your loved one.”

That was the question recently asked of us as we sat at a small hospital table with my stepmother’s hospice nurse, preparing to bring her home for the final days of her journey.

“She has a smile and a kind word for everyone.”

“She loves Jesus.”

“She loves her family.”

“She is a very strong woman.”

As I look back, what I love about this is that these 4 descriptions came rapidly, spontaneously.  No one had to pause to think, to choose something, to decide.  These 4 things perfectly describe who she was to us.  There were other things, of course, but these were the first 4.

Clara was kind, supportive and always took the time to offer a smile and an encouraging word.  Many of her words I have hidden in my heart and many of them live on because she took the time to write them down.  Not long after she passed, I was looking for a photo on my Facebook page, and right there in the comments she’d written a sweet note.  Her words from 2022 stopped time for a moment in 2024.

Clara was active in her church, she talked about Jesus and how her faith informed and guided her life. She said she hoped her life of faith would show others the love of Jesus, that even her last days would be a guide to others.  She met her unexpected illness with unwavering courage; she looked forward to heaven.

Clara sure loved her family. She had so many photos of her loved ones, all over her house, in albums, and I’m sure she carried them in her heart. Many an hour was spent around her kitchen table or on the back steps, chatting. She usually had a good, strong cup of coffee in hand.  We know she loved us because she told us she did.

Clara had a lot of physical pain her entire life, from the time she was a child until she was a wise, older woman.  And, like everyone, she also had her share of other hard times, too. I would say more than her fair share. Yet, these things did not define her, they did not overwhelm her, and they did not conquer her spirit.  She was strong, stronger than many would ever suspect.

Just 22 short days after we found out something was wrong, we were saying goodbye. And during those 22 days, her family pulled together in new ways to face the unthinkable. We were reminded how much we loved each other and how much we loved her. We prayed for her peaceful release even as we grieved the thought of her leaving us.  Her family cared for her and we cared for each other. My brother is technically my stepbrother, but he’s still my brother. He has been for 36 years now.  We are family.  Not all family ties are born in blood, sometimes they are forged in love.

We are still coping with the loss of Clara, of all she was to each of us, and the trauma of it all. I am lamenting lost time. Maybe we all do that when facing such a loss. And if I focus on what is lost, it hurts, but if I focus on what she has gained- heaven- it helps.

As I consider my own life, I know that I have more years behind me than in front of me.  It makes me wonder, who am I, really?  I know the woman I am today is not the same woman I was even 5 years ago.  What “4 things” would my loved ones say about me when my own journey is drawing to an end?  Would those 4 things be different than what I would want them to be able to say about me? What 4 things does my current life reflect?  What do I keep?  What do I change?  All worthy questions to ponder.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Clara’s 4 things lately: “She has a smile and a kind word for everyone”, “She loves Jesus”, “She loves her family”, “She is a very strong woman”.

There is only one conclusion. Clara’s was a life well lived.

An example and a blessing to us all until we meet again.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” — St Paul to the Corinthians, 1 Corinthians 16:13-14.